You complete me… NOT.

“You complete me.”

-Tom Cruise as “Jerry Maguire” in Jerry Maguire

 “If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be truly fulfilled.”

-Lao Tzu

This is a fundamental element of all relationships, but even more-so in open relationships such as polyamory.

You cannot look to others to make you whole or to fulfill you. You must be a whole, self-fulfilled person to have a healthy intimate relationship with anyone else. Looking for fulfillment from others is self-sabotaging: eventually they will fall short of your expectations and disappoint you, leading to resentment and unhappiness with them and the relationship.

To have a healthy relationship with someone else, you must first have a healthy relationship with yourself. To be with someone else you must first be okay with being alone. Because only then have you chosen to spend your time and emotional energy on someone else, rather than out of codependency.

When you are okay with being alone because you think you are pretty good company, so will others think you are pretty good company and want to be with you also.