It all started with a tweet. A tweet about boy butter. Now, my first thought was boy butter was just like man chowder, but I was quickly set straight by several of my Twitter followers that informed me that boy butter is indeed Boy Butter, the personal lubricant. Then, the good folks at Va Va Voom offered me a tub of it to test and give my opinion on. Now being a huge anal sex fan I was more than happy to oblige.

When I received the sample Boy Butter from Va Va Voom I was immediately smitten with the packaging: it looks just like a tub of your favorite margarine. The packaging alone had me and I couldn’t wait to try it out. But first, some Internet research on Boy Butter’s website. I had to make sure what I was smearing on my member was member-worthy.

I discovered not only the history of Boy Butter from it’s humble origins in 2002, but that the original Boy Butter with which I was provided, is made from simple ingredients and is mostly natural: coconut oil, organic silicone (as used in hair detanglers) and a couple other ingredients to give it it’s creaminess. It’s all whipped together and is much like whipped margarine.

Because Original Boy Butter does have coconut oil in it, it isn’t safe for use with latex condoms, so only use the Original formula with someone you are fluid-bonded with and know for sure is safe and clean. Boy Butter has also come-out with Boy Butter H2O: You’ll Never Know It’s Not Boy Butter, which is reported to be the first cream lubricant that is both water-based and condom safe. Get some of that also for those adventuresome times when you’re getting some strange.

Personally I like lubes, for stimulation that is either too dry or too vigorous without lubricant will leave me very sore the next day. So a good lube is usually part of my regular play with partners, anyway.

First-up was a solo test because, well… I wanted to try it right now, and there wasn’t any available partners to be had at that moment. However, at first getting into the tub was a bit confusing for a horny guy like me since with every margarine tub I’ve ever opened the lid pulls-off. Not so with Boy Butter, it looks like a margarine tub, but the top screws-off (mental Post-IT Note: remember this in the heat of the moment, too). Well, I got it to pull-off anyway. Silly me. I’d never used cream lubricants before, and with the first dip of my fingers I immediately liked the feel. Smeared all over my cock was even better. The slickness of Boy Butter is fantastic and I had quite a good time with myself.

Next-up was getting a hand job by a willing assistant. Worked fantastic with someone else controlling the action too. By now I was sold on cream lubricants in general and Boy Butter in particular.

Now to find a willing partner to A) let me test it on her, and B) let me write about it for the whole world to see. A few phone calls to some girlfriends later and I was in business. My lady friend was not an anal virgin, however had never really enjoyed anal with anyone she’d had it with, so it was a bit of a stretch for her to say “yes”, but I think she was more saying “yes” to being with me, regardless of the events. So it was a date.

Because of bad past experiences we took things even extra slowly, lubing-up her ass with a good glob of Boy Butter and not attempting to insert my penis until she was comfortable with having two fingers in her ass. Amazingly, with Boy Butter is was only minutes before I had three fingers in her and she was thoroughly enjoying it. So we went for it, lubing-up my cock with some more Boy Butter and with just a little pressure and a slight sigh from her lips, I was in, slowly stroking back and forth and she was in no discomfort whatsoever. Here I discovered another nice quality of Boy Butter: besides being very slick, Boy Butter doesn’t dry-up quickly like other lubricants, making for more comfortable sex and little chance of having a break in the action to add more lube.

And then it happened… she came. Yes, the woman who at first was very timid and unsure about anal, came. She was as surprised as I was, and downright giddy. After a short rest we went at it a second time and when all was said and done, we both had an incredible time.

After we cleaned-up we laid there and talked about how she like anal sex and most importantly the Boy Butter lubricant. She said she had an incredible time and that the Boy Butter cream lubricant was so slick that there was very virtually no discomfort and most importantly to me, she wants to add anal as a regular part of our playtime now. Lucky me.

Which brings me to another fantastic thing about Boy Butter: clean-up. Unlike many other lubes I’ve tried, Boy Butter washes off of both skin and fabric with water alone, which makes cleaning-up after sex not only a breeze, but you don’t have to worry about staining those fancy sheets you put on the bed to impress your lover. And to make things even better, Boy Butter is priced better than most other lubricants, which is a consideration if you want to get laid in today’s economic climate and not go broke doing it.

I highly recommend Boy Butter to both anal veterans and anal virgins alike. Especially to anal virgins. You’re first time could make or break it forever more, so make it a good experience the first time.

To get some of your own, visit my friends over at Va Va Voom. They’ll take good care of you.

I just read this article at Adult Industry News about Scott Janke, the Town Manager of Fort Meyers Beach, FL, who was fired because it was discovered by some nosy self-proclaimed do-gooder that his wife is a porn star working under an assumed name.  I personally have a few problems with this:

How did the wannabe do-gooder discover she was in porn?  Was he/she using a city-supplied computer or city-supplied bandwidth to surf porn on the Net and suddenly said to themselves “Jesus Christ, that looks like Scott’s wife!”  Obviously they knew somehow and why isn’t THAT an issue?

Second, City Council member Bob Raymond stated “In these types of jobs, trust is a very important thing. If you lose that, you’re losing a big thing.”  How is Mrs. Janke being in porn a trust issue?  Is she going to sell top secret town information to Ron Jeremy?  Oh yeah, because you have sex with a man other than your husband, and your husband allows it, both of you are now untrustworthy.  You can’t be trusted with town business, money or town secrets – like who’s fucking who, and let’s face it, statistically speaking half of those on the City Council are cheating on their spouse.

So lets say that someone else on the council like huge dildos… Do they get fired because they “deviate” from the “norm”?  What if one of the councilmen like to dress-up in woman’s clothes in private?  What if one of the men like to fuck their wife in the ass, or one of the women like it in the ass and anal sex is viewed as “deviant behavior” and offends another City Council member?  Do they get fired?

The possibilities of such judgments by others is endless.

Now I’m going out on a limb here, but I’d bet if their uncovered activities simply included some threesomes with hot chicks there wouldn’t be a problem.  But, because another man if fucking Mr. Janke’s wife, nevermind getting paid for, there is where the behavior is seen as less than acceptable.

Lucretia MacEvil and I have run into this ourselves.  We had a coworker at a company we both worked at that knew we had somewhat of an open relationship.  It was all because when she worked with this same person at another company she was coming back from lunch one day when he and another guy were also walking in and he asked her “You and Lucius have been married for 6 years, how do you and keep things interesting?” and she answered with a smirk “We throw another girl into the mix every now and then.”  Word spread fast through her office and I was viewed as a god by the other men.  I mean I got to fuck my wife AND her hot girlfriends!  Eventually we all worked together and they never knew anything additional because as one of the guys put it “I have no problem mowing my neighbor’s grass, but nobody mows mine.”  If he had known that she fucked other men also she would have been instantly labeled a “slut” and we both would have lost our jobs.  Other women = cool.  Other men = deviant and loss of job.

Amazing how the male mind works and how well men have brainwashed many women over centuries of conditioning to believe the same and label their sisters as “sluts” for being sexual beings.  As Erica Jong said “Woman is doomed to live in a double bind which is at once psychological and physical: she is damned for doing the very thing that keeps the race alive.  Man, for his part, is damned for partaking of that guilty sexuality, and doomed to wander the world turning virgins into whores, then cursing his fate in having no true mate to love.”

This whole case has little to do with “right” or “appropriateness” and all to do with narrow-mindedness and  judgment based on insecurities and fears of those afraid of their own sexuality much less their partners.

It vividly illustrates though how any couple who has a relationship outside of the monogamous male/female type can be discriminated against at work and lose their job, lifestyle and security for simply being “different” than their superiors are.  It is discrimination, just like sexual orientation or racial.  What goes on in a person’s life outside of work should not be an issue at work unless it is something like robbing banks or selling meth or molesting children.  Unfortunately though, many states are “right-to-work” states and people can be fired for no reason other than “because” without any recourse.  Until that changes there will truly not be any equality in any workplace.

I get such a chuckle out of all those Cosmopolitan magazine articles on “What Your Man Really Thinks” and “What Really Turns Your Man On”.  As I read these things I ask myself: Did they really ask any men about this? Or did a bunch of women just sit around the conference room at Cosmo and and write down things they want to hear from their men? Or did they ask a bunch of pansy-men?

So in response to this I’ve written with some help from friends, both male and female, a list of 15 things men really want to hear from their wife/girlfriend.  Add any you can think of in the comments.

1. “Do you want to fuck me in the ass tonight?”
2. “I hope you don’t mind if I swallow?  I don’t want to break your rhythm when you’re about to cum.”
3. “Please don’t make me eat at Sizzler and see a movie.  Can’t I just have some cock instead?”
4. “Can we just fuck with the lights on?  I love it when you stare at my cellulite.”
5. “Oh my god that’s gargantuan!  You’re going to stick that where?!”
6. “Yes, I would love it if my best friend sucked your cock.”
7. “I don’t care if we’re lost, I just love your sense of adventurism.”
8. “Your ex-wife is so hot!  Can we have a threesome with her?”
9. “My hot sister with the boob job wants to have a threesome with us.  Are you down with that?”
10. “I don’t care what time you get home, just be sure to wake me up when you do so that we can fuck.”
11. “Hey guess what?! Your cum is part of my Weight Watcher plan!”
12. “Go ahead and watch the game and I’ll go make you some chocolate chip cookies.  And how about a blowjob at half-time?”
13. “Don’t worry about getting me off, you just make sure you’re happy.”
14. “It’s that time of month, but I’d love to give you a blowjob.”
15. “You don’t have to stay here just because we had sex.  Go ahead and go to the strip club with your friends.  Here’s $100 to spend on the strippers.”

A question that I get asked a lot in the swinging lifestyle is about body types and beauty.  Some examples:

“I’m not thin or beautiful will anyone be attracted to me?”

“I’m not a size 2 or a size 10; no one will want a fat girl.”

“What if my penis isn’t big enough?”

“I don’t look like a model”

Let me start by saying Pshhhha to all of these.  If there is one thing I’ve learned after the past 5 years swinging it’s that there is someone or MANY some ones for everyone.  Don’t let poor body image ruin your good time.

I am a larger girl and was once pretty nervous about getting naked in front of anyone but Mr. Scribbens.  As a matter of fact our first couple, well they were downright hotties! Talk about nerves! I thought “why would he want me when he has a wife like that?” What I found out was it’s all about variety.  That’s why we swing in the first place isn’t it? To experience something new and different than what we are used to? Now mind you NOT everyone is going to be compatible but I’ll save that speech for another blog.

I’ve realized that the majority of people out there swinging are looking past a few stretch marks and a fatter ass.  They look at the whole package. Things like being showered and well kempt are much more important. Do you take pride in your appearance? Do you have fresh breath and a sense of humor? Can you hold a conversation?  If so I’d say you have a hell of a good chance at finding swinging partners.

But lets go back to the worried about weight issue ladies.  I’ve discovered a little secret. Most men don’t care and in fact most of them like a woman with a little more meat on her bones and the natural boobs that go with them, just sayin’.  I can honestly tell you that my weight has not prevented me from having a good time and meeting plenty of lovers both female and male.  So in the hopes that this eases the fears of some of you ladies out there I will end this blog with a quote from one of my favorite singers… Prince.

“…Honey them hips is gone
That’s alright, I clock ‘em that way
Remind me of something James used to say…

“I like ‘em fat”
“I like ‘em proud”
“Ya gotta have a mother for me”
Now move your big ass ’round this way
So I can work on that zipper, baby
Tonight you’re a star
And I’m the big dipper… “