General Society’s Perception of Non-Monogamy

A recent Psychology Today post on general society’s perceptions of non-monogamy and a couple studies done by researchers at the University of Michigan show that overall people trust supposedly monogamous people more than non-monogamous folk, even though following research has shown no difference in other societal measures of a “good” person, such as paying taxes, being ethical in business dealings and even flossing.

I have always found this curious: Why would someone think I was more likely to screw them over selling them my car than someone who is in a supposedly monogamous relationship? I say “supposedly” because we know that at least 30 percent of men and women cheat on their partners.

Here is the post.

Our Household and Polyamory

There is a lot of buzz around Showtime’s new show, Polyamory: Married and Dating, and from the reviews I’ve read it’s full of clichés and stereotypes about polyamory: Lots of girl/girl sex, showering together, FMF triad, sex, drama, jealousy, more sex and some dancing around the house in next to nothing. In fact, I think the only ones they missed were hippies, communes and Paganism.

So I thought I would share an average day in our life in hopes of shedding a little light on the real life of a polyamorous household. You know, not ones done for reality TV and ratings.

We are a polyamorous V, with my partner LJ being the tip of the V with me on one side and her husband on the other. We have three children in the household: my two children, one in elementary school and one in high school and LJ and her husband’s elementary school aged child.

All three of us adults are in white-collar careers. We have three cars, three birds, thee cats and two dogs (I guess we need another dog).

Our life is really mundane and normal and wouldn’t make for good TV.

A typical day during the school year starts with getting the kids ready for school and getting ourselves ready for work. We drop the kids off at school and we adults go to our respective places of work. Come afternoon the trip and two of us three pick up the kids from the three different schools they attend and then head home. I work a part-time night job, so if it’s a night I work I then get ready for my night job and head-out the door. If not than we do the typical family dinner thing, the kids rotate through the bath tub and/or showers and go to bed. Us adults hang-out for a while, watch some TV together or a movie, play on our computers and iPhones and generally relax until we’re ready for bed ourselves. If I’m working, LJ and her husband do the same without me. The youngest two are also involved in gymnastics, so the extra-curricular activities requiring a mom-cab or dad-cab that is present in many two parent, monogamous households is also present in ours.

The next morning we start it all over again.

When the kids are on summer vacation we rotate work-from-home days so that there is always an adult home with the kids.

We go to dinner together, we go to the zoo, we go hiking, we go to the planetarium, we see movies, we get yogurt at the yogurt shop, we take the kids swimming, we do yard work, we take the pets to veterinarian appointments, we work-out transportation arrangements if one of our cars in the shop, we do grocery shopping, we go to the gym, we have doctors and dentist appointments. In short, we do everything a single or two parent household does, it just takes two cars to get there (we really need a SUV or van).

What is different from many two parent households, mine included up until two years ago, is that our kids are not latchkey kids. They don’t come home from school to an empty house. There is always someone to help them with homework. Between our three respective educations we have different areas of knowledge that can help our kids with various subjects in school. The workload required of an adult, of a parent, is now spread over three adults, not just two or one.

What you won’t find in our household that you do in Polyamory: Married and Dating is:

  • We do not all sleep together in one bed.
  • Not everyone in the relationship is involved romantically and/or sexually with everyone else.
  • We do not all shower together.
  • It is not a 24/7 orgy. In fact, we’ve never had a threesome.
  • None of us work in the field of holistic sexual healing arts.

Nobody would guess our home life and relationship just by looking at us. I also don’t know of any other poly households in our community that look like the ones on Showtime’s Polyamory: Married and Dating. So when I say that the quad and triad on that show does not represent the typical polyamorous household, you can be assured they don’t. Some may look like theirs. Most don’t.

As I said in the beginning, our life is as run-of-the-mill and mundane as anyone else’s.

Casting Call for a New Reality Show about Swingers

Tucker Media is currently casting for a reality show about swingers. There will be no nudity or sexual acts as the show will be on mainstream cable and not a pay channel. They are looking for people that are happily living in ethical, non-monogamous relationships who want to tell others how it works and why they believe swinging works for them.

I will not be participating, however I said I would pass along the information for anyone else who is interested in sharing their story and experiences with America and beyond.

Below is the information that was sent to me by Tucker Media last week:

ARE YOU A SWINGER? Do you or do you know someone who lives a life of sexual adventure? Do you lead a rather normal or average life as far as the public is concerned – and swing behind closed doors? Do you think that America has it all wrong and needs to know the truth about your fantastic lifestyle? A national cable network needs you for a new series to help set the record straight!

REQUIREMENTS:

– Must live in the United States or U.S. Territories.

– Must be a swinger with a swinging spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend or partner.

– Must be between the ages of 18 – 45.

– The more people involved, the better your odds. We want to tell your story and hear from your swinging community.

DATES & COMPENSATION:

Shooting begins in late April 2012; production dates TBA. Must be open or at minimum flexible with shooting schedule. It’s okay if you work a daytime job, our production will also offer flexibility and accommodate! Compensation provided for approved talent.

TO SUBMIT:

All interested couples should respond to this casting call by email, Attn: Elle Tucker, Casting Director, Tucker Media at elle@tuckermedia.org. Please include first names only, a general location (county/city and state), and a short description of who you are and what you do. Understanding that privacy is an issue, please submit any questions along with contact information for further information about how we can help keep various aspects of your life confidential during filming. Submissions also MUST INCLUDE a contact email address and/or phone number. A member of the casting team will respond to all submissions in a timely manner. To help expedite a response, please only respond if you meet the required swinger criteria, in addition to having provided all of the contact information above. Applicants may also provide a photograph (optional). Preference will be given to swingers who are part of swinging group(s) that may also have interest participating.

Women don’t masturbate

I came across this comment on a YouTube video by WOIP, War on Illegal Pornography, in response to a Groupon offer for discount tours of The Armory in San Francisco.

Are you saying everyone will definitely masturbate at one point in their lives? I know people who never have. They tend to be girls; and the girls who have masturbated usually were pressured by their boyfriends.

It almost blows my mind that someone thinks like this.

No wait. It doesn’t.

Ms. Dawn Hawkins also needs to learn the difference between consensual sexual play and rape. Claiming to be protecting women from rape while not knowing or being able to identify the difference between consensual bondage, discipline, spankings, humiliation play, group sex, public sex, etc. and rape is simply an insult to survivors and victims of rape, sexual abuse and violence.

Immoral?

It troubles me that people feel I am immoral for my relationship preference and who or how many people I’ve had sex with or for the type of sexual play I prefer. Yet, they don’t question the morality of those on Wall Street and CEO’s (like Mitt Romney) who slash jobs, destroying the lives of thousands of Americans all in the pursuit of increasing profits for the shareholders and increased bonuses for themselves, just because they are thumping on a Bible at the same time.

It seems to me that they are the immoral ones.