Polyamory 4 comments

Polyamory means…

By on August 15th, 2010

25118 300x275 Polyamory means...Poly means “many” not “any”.  Cruising around OKCupid today and updating my profile a bit, I found it very hard to explain that just because I am polyamory-minded doesn’t mean I am A) cheating on my wife, and B) just putting notches on my bedpost.  And that is the public perception of me, as a polyamorous male.

It seems the idea that many people have (and in my case, women I’m interested in) is that being polyamorous is all about sleeping around, it’s all about the sex.  That polyamory is just an excuse to look for a new relationship to replace an existing relationship while still maintaining that existing relationship. That there must be something wrong with your current relationship or that the sex is terrible and you are looking for something that is missing.

In short, you’re looked upon as a cad. Especially if you’re a guy.

If you’re a girl, you’re a slut and will fuck anyone, and if you won’t, you’re a bitch.

That is why I say: Poly means “many” not “any”.

Yes, I like sex. Yes, I like variety in my sex. No, I’m not into racking-up a high score.  Yes I’ll take a one night stand with the right person. No, I don’t go looking for one night stands. Yes, I can fall in love with more than one person. No, I don’t fall in love with everyone I have sex with. Yes, I love being in love. No, I don’t need to be in love. Yes, I love to fuck. No, I won’t fuck just anyone. Yes, someone new is exciting. No, someone new doesn’t make a current partner less exciting. Yes, I am into you. No, I am not looking for a replacement for someone else.

If I want to have sex with someone it’s because I really find that person a turn-on, and more than just physically. Intelligence and intellectual compatibility is as big a turn-on as physical attractiveness. Therefore the pool of possible sex partners is not huge. Just because a woman is attractive does not mean I’m going to get a hard-on for her. If I am sexually attracted to a woman it’s because there is a lot more going on than just nice tits and ass. She is special. She is unique. And not all people will be that to me any more than I will be that to all people.

So yes, being poly means having more than one. No, being poly doesn’t mean having just anyone.

Polyamory 2 comments

Wonder Woman born of a polyamorous relationship

By on August 14th, 2010

wonder woman 300x225 Wonder Woman born of a polyamorous relationship

In the book Eureka!: The Surprising Stories Behind the Ideas That Shaped the World Wonder Woman born of a polyamorous relationship Marlene Wagman-Geller gives the back story on the relationship behind the creation of Wonder Woman.  This story may not be news to many comic book fans, but to me it was.  So in case it is for you, I present it here.

WW Lie Olive 271x300 Wonder Woman born of a polyamorous relationship

William Marston and Olive Byrne (standing)

William Moulton Marston, the creator of the polygraph test, was also the creator of Wonder Woman.  William was married to Elizabeth Holloway Marston, a very successful woman in her own right.  He also fell in love with a student of his, Olive Bryne.  He asked Elizabeth if Olive could live with them and with her permission they did and William fathered two children by each of them.

This V-triad was ahead of the polyamory curve back in the 1930′s and was distinguished from polygamy outlawed about 50 years earlier in the U.S.

William died in 1947 of cancer, but Elizabeth and Olive remained family to the day Olive died, Elizabeth even supporting Olive and her children after William’s death.

022008 1 Wonder Woman born of a polyamorous relationship

Elizabeth Holloway Marston

William borrowed heavily from both women for the creation of Wonder Woman.  From Elizabeth came independence, intelligence, strength and self-confidence.  From Olive came Wonder Woman’s appearance, the raven black hair, blue eyes and Wonder Woman’s bracelets, which were adapted from bracelets Olive always wore on each arm.

Could a greater tribute be made to the women he loved?  Probably not.

In the News, Monogamy, Polyamory 1 comment

Cowboys and Injuries: When monogamists pursue the polyamorous

By on July 31st, 2010

Mistress Matisse has written a great article for the Seattle-based alternative weekly The Stranger about monogamist’s pursuing polyamorous people.  With a small contingent of polyamory-minded people in most communities it is not uncommon for polyamorists to come in contact with, and become smitten with a monogamy-minded person. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work. Many monogamists feel they can “turn” the polyamorist to monogamy once they “see the light” of how great they are. But most of the time it comes down to jealousy and as Mistress Matisse says: “You need to quit fucking other people.”

Here are some great quotes from the article:

There’s a slang term used by polyamorous people:cowboy. Or cowgirl, as the case may be. It refers to a monogamous person who meets someone who openly identifies as polyamorous, becomes romantically involved with them, and attempts to “cut them out of the herd,” meaning: persuade them to sever existing relationships and embrace monogamy.

Viewed through a monogamist’s gaze, dropping your lasso on a wandering heart is the stuff of songs, literature, and drama.

But I can promise you, if you’re poly and you’re involved with someone who’s not, once the hot sex cools off and reality sets in, every single problem that occurs in the relationship will somehow devolve to: You’re fucking other people… And when this romantic idyll ends—as it probably will—it’ll be just another example of how polyamory ruins relationships.

Dismissing people’s stated definitions of their sexuality as something you can make them change is not love. It’s just disrespectful, and it usually ends badly anyway.

Here’s the full article:

Cowboys and Injuries: When monogamists pursue the polyamorous