Bigger Love

Secret swinger signs and symbols

Lucius Scribbens — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 23:34:45 +0000

Contrary to popular belief there are no signs or signals that swingers use to attract other swingers. But it still seems that some people are always looking for a way to find-out if a friend, neighbor or coworker is a swinger.

Here are some of the popular urban legends that I’ve heard:

Pineapple placed upside down in a shopping cart
A woman wears an anklet on her right leg
White landscaping rocks in someone’s front yard
Wearing a thumb ring
Wearing a toe ring
Switching the wedding ring to the right hand
Yin-Yang tattoo
A bracelet worn on the left ankle
Pampas grass in the front yard garden
Pink or purple decorations in the front yard

Are there any that you’ve heard of? Add them in the comments section below.

Is polyamory an experiment?

Lucius Scribbens — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 01:38:18 +0000

Miss Conduct, The Boston Globe advice columnist recently fielded a question from a father concerned about his daughter and son-in-law’s polyamory lifestyle. His daughter came out to him that she has a lover as well as her husband and would like her dad to accept this.

Of course, he can’t. But at least he was looking for advice rather than shutting his daughter out completely.

My only issue with her advice was calling polyamory an “experiment”. I don’t feel polyamory is anymore an experiment than monogamy, and based on monogamy’s long-term success rate I’d say monogamy is an ongoing but failing experiment.

With the new book Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality the authors contend that “human beings evolved in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care, and, often, sexual partners.”

A tribe. Or as has been said: “It takes a village to raise a child.” Or what we modern Homo sapiens call “Polyamory”.

Monogamy is actually a newcomer in human evolution. Some say with the rise of Christianity, but even affluent Catholics, including priests and bishops, practiced polygamy up until 1022 when Pope Benedict VIII banned all marriages and mistresses for priests in an effort to protect children of such relationships from having any claim to Church property.

So it would appear from anthropological evidence and written history, as well as the number of people who cheat and the number of people that practice serial monogamy, getting married several times during their life, that the idea of “one true love” is nothing but a myth that general society has bought into over the years.

So how is polyamory an experiment?

If I could add something to Miss Conduct’s answer to the concerned father it would be this:

Be glad that you instilled such strong ethics in your daughter that she is not leaving one good relationship in ruins just to explore another, and that she is doing this with openness and honesty with herself, her husband and with you.

Polyamory means…

Lucius Scribbens — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 18:34:51 +0000

Poly means “many” not “any”. Cruising around OKCupid today and updating my profile a bit, I found it very hard to explain that just because I am polyamory-minded doesn’t mean I am A) cheating on my wife, and B) just putting notches on my bedpost. And that is the public perception of me, as a polyamorous male.

It seems the idea that many people have (and in my case, women I’m interested in) is that being polyamorous is all about sleeping around, it’s all about the sex. That polyamory is just an excuse to look for a new relationship to replace an existing relationship while still maintaining that existing relationship. That there must be something wrong with your current relationship or that the sex is terrible and you are looking for something that is missing.

In short, you’re looked upon as a cad. Especially if you’re a guy.

If you’re a girl, you’re a slut and will fuck anyone, and if you won’t, you’re a bitch.

That is why I say: Poly means “many” not “any”.

Yes, I like sex. Yes, I like variety in my sex. No, I’m not into racking-up a high score. Yes I’ll take a one night stand with the right person. No, I don’t go looking for one night stands. Yes, I can fall in love with more than one person. No, I don’t fall in love with everyone I have sex with. Yes, I love being in love. No, I don’t need to be in love. Yes, I love to fuck. No, I won’t fuck just anyone. Yes, someone new is exciting. No, someone new doesn’t make a current partner less exciting. Yes, I am into you. No, I am not looking for a replacement for someone else.

If I want to have sex with someone it’s because I really find that person a turn-on, and more than just physically. Intelligence and intellectual compatibility is as big a turn-on as physical attractiveness. Therefore the pool of possible sex partners is not huge. Just because a woman is attractive does not mean I’m going to get a hard-on for her. If I am sexually attracted to a woman it’s because there is a lot more going on than just nice tits and ass. She is special. She is unique. And not all people will be that to me any more than I will be that to all people.

So yes, being poly means having more than one. No, being poly doesn’t mean having just anyone.

Wonder Woman born of a polyamorous relationship

Lucius Scribbens — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 22:04:16 +0000

In the book Eureka!: The Surprising Stories Behind the Ideas That Shaped the World Marlene Wagman-Geller gives the back story on the relationship behind the creation of Wonder Woman. This story may not be news to many comic book fans, but to me it was. So in case it is for you, I present it here.

William Marston and Olive Byrne (standing)

William Moulton Marston, the creator of the polygraph test, was also the creator of Wonder Woman. William was married to Elizabeth Holloway Marston, a very successful woman in her own right. He also fell in love with a student of his, Olive Bryne. He asked Elizabeth if Olive could live with them and with her permission they did and William fathered two children by each of them.

This V-triad was ahead of the polyamory curve back in the 1930′s and was distinguished from polygamy outlawed about 50 years earlier in the U.S.

William died in 1947 of cancer, but Elizabeth and Olive remained family to the day Olive died, Elizabeth even supporting Olive and her children after William’s death.

Elizabeth Holloway Marston

William borrowed heavily from both women for the creation of Wonder Woman. From Elizabeth came independence, intelligence, strength and self-confidence. From Olive came Wonder Woman’s appearance, the raven black hair, blue eyes and Wonder Woman’s bracelets, which were adapted from bracelets Olive always wore on each arm.

Could a greater tribute be made to the women he loved? Probably not.

Cowboys and Injuries: When monogamists pursue the polyamorous

Lucius Scribbens — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 19:18:25 +0000

Mistress Matisse has written a great article for the Seattle-based alternative weekly The Stranger about monogamist’s pursuing polyamorous people. With a small contingent of polyamory-minded people in most communities it is not uncommon for polyamorists to come in contact with, and become smitten with a monogamy-minded person. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work. Many monogamists feel they can “turn” the polyamorist to monogamy once they “see the light” of how great they are. But most of the time it comes down to jealousy and as Mistress Matisse says: “You need to quit fucking other people.”

Here are some great quotes from the article:

There’s a slang term used by polyamorous people:cowboy. Or cowgirl, as the case may be. It refers to a monogamous person who meets someone who openly identifies as polyamorous, becomes romantically involved with them, and attempts to “cut them out of the herd,” meaning: persuade them to sever existing relationships and embrace monogamy.

Viewed through a monogamist’s gaze, dropping your lasso on a wandering heart is the stuff of songs, literature, and drama.

But I can promise you, if you’re poly and you’re involved with someone who’s not, once the hot sex cools off and reality sets in, every single problem that occurs in the relationship will somehow devolve to: You’re fucking other people… And when this romantic idyll ends—as it probably will—it’ll be just another example of how polyamory ruins relationships.

Dismissing people’s stated definitions of their sexuality as something you can make them change is not love. It’s just disrespectful, and it usually ends badly anyway.

Here’s the full article:

Clipped from: www.thestranger.com (share this clip)