Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody’s pie
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry

- Don Henley in Dirty Laundry

I’m sure most anyone in the kink and polyamory communities have by now heard of the University of Northern Virginia ICE raid looking for evidence that the school was using visa loopholes to help immigrants stay in the U.S. When ICE didn’t find anything damning in that regard, but found BDSM and polyamory information and websites on the Chancellor of the university’s personal computer they released that information as part of the investigation and TheSmokingGun.com picked-up on it right away, I assume creating a fake profile on Collarme.com, finding David Lee and his wife’s profile there and releasing it to the public in a sex-shaming story.

I don’t know how someone’s personal sex life has anything to do with illegal immigration, but I’m sure the information found on his computer had to be reported in the ICE’s documents filed with the courts, which some bottom-feeder “journalist” at TheSmokingGun.com picked-up on from a court docket and decided someone else’s sex life would make good news. Or at least more titillating news than the possible immigrant visa violations.

I think if someone is to report on someone else’s sex life, their sex life should also be open to public scrutiny. It’s only fair. As W. Somerset Maugham once said: “There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.”

This is yet another good lesson in taking appropriate steps to keep your private life private, especially if it is anything outside of one man, one woman missionary style sex for procreation purposes while she stares at the ceiling memorizing tomorrow’s grocery list. And even more so if you are anything more than a office drone at a local plumbing company.

There is a huge difference between sharing a forced sex, “rape” fantasy and exploring it in a safe, negotiated environment and actually being raped. I’ve heard too many horror stories about how a woman has shared her “rape” fantasy with someone and that person took advantage of it in a non-consensual manner under the reasoning of “That’s what I thought you wanted.”

This is a good question because I personally do not see the “spirituality of BDSM” like some others. Not saying they are wrong, but I don’t see it the same.

That said, there is definitely a space, a state of being that is reached in BDSM that some might call “spiritual”. As strictly a top I get in a space that is as emotionally cleansing as meditation, just in another way. I see how bottoms react and the state of being they achieve during a scene and the emotional response they have. To call that not being in some way spiritual for many would be irresponsible and short-sighted of me, because having witnessed it tells me it is for them.

Ask me anything about polyamory, swinging or open relationships

Tennis game “Top Spin 4″ publisher 2K Sports may be trying to distance itself from this commercial for their new game, but I’ll bet Serena Williams and Rileah Vanderbilt in fetish-wear fuels quite a few fantasies and sends gamers looking for cheat codes to unlock the “nude tennis” function.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Two rules for an open relationship:

1. Respect your partner(s)
2. Safe sex

Everything else just overcomplicates things and sets-up the relationship(s) for hurt feelings and issues.