Why I’m hard on the men my daughters date

My daughters have always been frustrated with me regarding how I am about the guys they date. They say I’m too hard on them and “don’t give them a chance”. And granted, I am hard on them and they do have to prove themselves to me. But, I don’t think they realize, and no amount of talking to them convinces them of this, that they are at an exponentially higher risk of assault, both physical and sexual, as well as STI’s than their male counterparts. Now that’s not saying that I don’t eventually accept who they’re dating or decide to marry, but I am wary of their choices until my fears are proven false. And this is why.

In a survey of 8,000 women and men in the U.S. by the National Violence Against Women (NVAW) on the extent, nature and consequences of intimate partner violence in 2000 that was co-sponsored by the National Institute of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), it was revealed that 30.4% of women who were married to or cohabiting with a man in an intimate partner situation had been raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by their partner or former partner.

That’s right, 1 in 3. Go to work tomorrow and see how many women you work with and know that 1 in every 3 of them has been raped, beat or stalked by a man they were in an intimate relationship with, either past or current. If you have three daughters or 3 nieces, know that at least one of them will be raped, beat or stalked by their husband or boyfriend sometime in their life.

A 2011 report from the CDC shows that in the U.S. homicide is the fourth leading cause of death of women ages 15 to 45, behind cancer, unintentional accidents and suicide. Intimate partner violence is the leading cause of homicide amongst women.

Your daughters and nieces have a greater chance of dying at the hands of an intimate partner than they do from strokes, diabetes, pregnancy complications, HIV, influenza and pneumonia.

Let that sink in.