Our Household and Polyamory

There is a lot of buzz around Showtime’s new show, Polyamory: Married and Dating, and from the reviews I’ve read it’s full of clichés and stereotypes about polyamory: Lots of girl/girl sex, showering together, FMF triad, sex, drama, jealousy, more sex and some dancing around the house in next to nothing. In fact, I think the only ones they missed were hippies, communes and Paganism.

So I thought I would share an average day in our life in hopes of shedding a little light on the real life of a polyamorous household. You know, not ones done for reality TV and ratings.

We are a polyamorous V, with my partner LJ being the tip of the V with me on one side and her husband on the other. We have three children in the household: my two children, one in elementary school and one in high school and LJ and her husband’s elementary school aged child.

All three of us adults are in white-collar careers. We have three cars, three birds, thee cats and two dogs (I guess we need another dog).

Our life is really mundane and normal and wouldn’t make for good TV.

A typical day during the school year starts with getting the kids ready for school and getting ourselves ready for work. We drop the kids off at school and we adults go to our respective places of work. Come afternoon the trip and two of us three pick up the kids from the three different schools they attend and then head home. I work a part-time night job, so if it’s a night I work I then get ready for my night job and head-out the door. If not than we do the typical family dinner thing, the kids rotate through the bath tub and/or showers and go to bed. Us adults hang-out for a while, watch some TV together or a movie, play on our computers and iPhones and generally relax until we’re ready for bed ourselves. If I’m working, LJ and her husband do the same without me. The youngest two are also involved in gymnastics, so the extra-curricular activities requiring a mom-cab or dad-cab that is present in many two parent, monogamous households is also present in ours.

The next morning we start it all over again.

When the kids are on summer vacation we rotate work-from-home days so that there is always an adult home with the kids.

We go to dinner together, we go to the zoo, we go hiking, we go to the planetarium, we see movies, we get yogurt at the yogurt shop, we take the kids swimming, we do yard work, we take the pets to veterinarian appointments, we work-out transportation arrangements if one of our cars in the shop, we do grocery shopping, we go to the gym, we have doctors and dentist appointments. In short, we do everything a single or two parent household does, it just takes two cars to get there (we really need a SUV or van).

What is different from many two parent households, mine included up until two years ago, is that our kids are not latchkey kids. They don’t come home from school to an empty house. There is always someone to help them with homework. Between our three respective educations we have different areas of knowledge that can help our kids with various subjects in school. The workload required of an adult, of a parent, is now spread over three adults, not just two or one.

What you won’t find in our household that you do in Polyamory: Married and Dating is:

  • We do not all sleep together in one bed.
  • Not everyone in the relationship is involved romantically and/or sexually with everyone else.
  • We do not all shower together.
  • It is not a 24/7 orgy. In fact, we’ve never had a threesome.
  • None of us work in the field of holistic sexual healing arts.

Nobody would guess our home life and relationship just by looking at us. I also don’t know of any other poly households in our community that look like the ones on Showtime’s Polyamory: Married and Dating. So when I say that the quad and triad on that show does not represent the typical polyamorous household, you can be assured they don’t. Some may look like theirs. Most don’t.

As I said in the beginning, our life is as run-of-the-mill and mundane as anyone else’s.