You complete me… NOT.

“You complete me.”

-Tom Cruise as “Jerry Maguire” in Jerry Maguire

 “If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be truly fulfilled.”

-Lao Tzu

This is a fundamental element of all relationships, but even more-so in open relationships such as polyamory.

You cannot look to others to make you whole or to fulfill you. You must be a whole, self-fulfilled person to have a healthy intimate relationship with anyone else. Looking for fulfillment from others is self-sabotaging: eventually they will fall short of your expectations and disappoint you, leading to resentment and unhappiness with them and the relationship.

To have a healthy relationship with someone else, you must first have a healthy relationship with yourself. To be with someone else you must first be okay with being alone. Because only then have you chosen to spend your time and emotional energy on someone else, rather than out of codependency.

When you are okay with being alone because you think you are pretty good company, so will others think you are pretty good company and want to be with you also.

  • Reading this now is really interesting timing for me.  I spent this weekend thinking about polyamory, compersion, and my own emotional security.  I already knew and agree with the idea that a person should complete herself, not expect to be completed by others, but it is great to see it reiterated.

  • Lucius Scribbens

    Thank you for your comments.

  • I agree with this to a certain extent but I also know that you be a whole person and yet still completed by another. With that person you become more than just yourself and find in them something additional which brings you even more of yourself.