Does she really need his permission?

I saw this question on Tumblr today. It was asked of a person who posts some pretty sexy photos, professionally done, amateur and submissions to his blog. The gist of it kind of irked me:

What irked me is the idea that his girlfriend needed to “ask” him before she submitted a photo of herself to a site like his. I don’t feel she needs his permission. She should probably bring it up to him in a manner such as: “I’m thinking about submitting a nude photo of myself to this website. How do you feel about that?”

You see, she’s her own person. She doesn’t need his permission or approval to do anything that doesn’t harm him, such as cutting off his finger or shaving crappy designs into his hair. He may have an opinion on it and she should take his feelings into consideration, but ultimately it’s her body, her pictures and she can do what she wants with them. Then, he can deal with it however he will.

Requiring her to get his permission to do something such as this to me just screams of issues that require authoritative control over another to suppress. This behavior works for a while, but eventually leads to the destruction of a relationship.

This is especially true in polyamorous relationships that depend on the individuality and independence of the people involved while still being connected to them. Others independence must be respected while at the same time they must be aware of and consider their partner’s feelings and concerns.  It’s a very gray area where one person’s fist ends and their partners’ nose begins. Respect of everyone’s feelings is paramount while at the same time not infringing on anyone’s autonomy.

  • GamerUK

    I would be inclined to agree in most cases, where they are just boyfriend/girlfriend. I like the suggestion you come up with in approaching the topic where simply posting may cause friction in the relationship. That’s a great idea, although if they are just dating, I agree the other person has little to no say in what their partner ultimately does.

    However, not all relationships are the same. My Wife and I have a D/s relationship (where I am the Dominant and she is submissive) where we have a series of protocols in place as part of that relationship dynamic. Where there is a breach of etiquette, protocol or ‘our’ rules (and yes I have rules/protocols I also adhere to -it’s not totally 1-sided, though it really is biased in my favour) there are consequences.

    In such D/s relationships, where the submissive partner wants something that’s not part of the regular day to day routine, then quite often the submissive partner would indeed be required to ask permission *before*, rather than apologize afterwards.

    Doing something the Dominant partner would dislike, such as a ‘date’ (nomatter how innocent) or posting something like the sexy picture mentioned above, could be met with reprimands or punishments, up to and even including dissolution of the relationship. My girl (wife/submissive) has a pretty good feel for what she can do within and outside of our normal relationship boundaries. We are both open to discussing freely our thoughts and intentions. But it would still be asked, “would it be ok to/if…”

    There is no hard and fast rules for ‘In General’. Relationships are living, breathing, evolving entities and the need to ask permission will either be a factor in maintaining that healthy relationship, or it won’t. Ultimately, some folks are going to have to ask. And in most cases, that’s just fine.