Why is it hard to find a polyamory-minded partner?

I’m finding it hard to find anyone to complete my relationship so I’m feeling kinda like I got a hole. They either wanna screw everything that walks (which is fine, but not want we want) or be monogamous (yuck! icon smile Why is it hard to find a polyamory minded partner? Women suck! Any luck in your life?

You have run into what is commonly referred to as “polyfuckery”, those that use polyamory as a way to justify to themselves their fucking around. That’s fine, but they shouldn’t be using polyamorous people who want to develop deeper bonds just to get their rocks off.

The other side is the “cowboys” and “cowgirls” who want to lasso a self-identified polyamorous person and make them monogamous. At least for a little while, and they really don’t have any intention of being monogamous themselves, they just want you to be.

My advice: 1) Fish where the fish are. Don’t look in the mono-world for someone to bring into a polyamorous relationship. Sometimes it works, usually it doesn’t. 2) Be up-front from the very beginning about what you want and your beliefs on love, sex and life, and if someone else tries to change any of those beliefs confront the issue quickly (don’t let it drag on and resent them for your silence on the matter) and if things don’t look like they can’t be resolved, cut bait and start again.

There are plenty of people for you out there, you just have to be patient and enjoy the ride.

Ask me anything about polyamory, swinging or open relationships

  • http://longingsend.wordpress.com mina

    Just want to put a voice out there that I completely understand and know the struggle. I keep the faith that the right person will show up at the right time.

  • Joreth

    I’m betting the reason he can only find people who want sex only and people who want monogamy is because self-respecting poly people don’t want to touch his situation with a 10-foot pole.  Not many people like having the burden of responsibility placed on their shoulders for “completing” someone else’s relationship or filling a hole.

    Maybe when he starts to view himself as a complete individual and his current relationship as whole all by itself will he find other polys to find him attractive, instead of desperate and entitled.