Women who like to be dominated

Recently I came across an interesting article on Alternet.org – Women who want to be dominated in bed: Talking to BDSM submissives.  It’s a great article and I highly recommend reading it.  Well known feminists and faces in the BDSM scene were interviewed for the article.  People like Susan Wright, Mollena Williams and Rachel Kramer Bussel.  In plain language it explains the submissive role in play and how it is a choice, not something a woman is forced into, and that is Feminism.

Submissive woman collared and chainedFeminism is as a woman making your own choices.  In BDSM a female submissive or bottom is choosing to be in that position at that moment in time, and what she wants from it is negotiated beforehand.  Probably in few other situations in life is anyone really as in control, or as understood, or listened to, or fulfilled as they are in a Dom/sub situation.

Here are a few quotes that really stood-out for me:

From Susan Wright:

“The common misconceptions about submissive women are that what they are doing is not consensual, that they have been coerced, or that they are doing something that they really don’t want to do,” Susan Wright explained. “That’s a misconception because submissive women know exactly what kinds of partners they want and what they want to do and how they want to play.” Wright continued: “Being submissive is very compatible with feminism because it is choosing your own form of sexual expression.”

From Mollena Williams:

“Some people have a reaction to BDSM based on the gender involved,” Mollena Williams noted. “Seeing a submissive man doesn’t bother them, but seeing a submissive woman does. The idea of a dominatrix is kind of hot and sexy to them, but seeing a submissive female makes them uncomfortable. If you see a man crawling across the floor to a woman and licking her high-heel boots, it’s like, ‘Ooo, that’s a bit naughty.’ But if you get a movie like 9½ Weeks where the female is the submissive, people have a harder time digesting that.”

“I can say that in the gay women’s community, submission is an even more difficult choice because you have very radical feminism and you have very big riffs,” Williams explained. “Leathersex and BDSM cause big riffs in the gay women’s community or queer women’s community because you have very radical feminists who say, ‘Not only are you betraying your feminism, but you are also mimicking a male-dominated society. You are mimicking male patterns of abuse.’ But that type of thinking really frustrates me. My response is, ‘Feminism is giving me the right to choose what is right for me, not giving you the right to choose what you think is right for me.’”

From Rachel Kramer Bussel:

She said that being submissive is actually a feminist act because a submissive woman and her dominant partners spend a lot of time discussing what does and doesn’t turn her on. Bussel said a dominant/submissive relationship may have more of a feminist component than a vanilla relationship because the woman’s likes and dislikes are discussed in such great detail.

Different submissive women have different fantasies, and Bussel said that dominant men who spend a lot of time hearing intricate, detailed descriptions of a woman’s needs and desires may become better listeners than vanilla men.

“In kinky relationships,” Bussel explained, “there is always going to be some degree of negotiation. There is always going to be some degree of trying to figure out what the other person likes and doesn’t like—and I think that doesn’t always happen in non-kinky relationships. That process of negotiating is healthy for both parties in a relationship, but there isn’t always enough negotiating in non-kinky relationships.

You can read the full article here: Women Who Like to be Dominated in Bed: Talking to BDSM Submissives