Cowboys and Injuries: When monogamists pursue the polyamorous

Mistress Matisse has written a great article for the Seattle-based alternative weekly The Stranger about monogamist’s pursuing polyamorous people.  With a small contingent of polyamory-minded people in most communities it is not uncommon for polyamorists to come in contact with, and become smitten with a monogamy-minded person. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work. Many monogamists feel they can “turn” the polyamorist to monogamy once they “see the light” of how great they are. But most of the time it comes down to jealousy and as Mistress Matisse says: “You need to quit fucking other people.”

Here are some great quotes from the article:

There’s a slang term used by polyamorous people:cowboy. Or cowgirl, as the case may be. It refers to a monogamous person who meets someone who openly identifies as polyamorous, becomes romantically involved with them, and attempts to “cut them out of the herd,” meaning: persuade them to sever existing relationships and embrace monogamy.

Viewed through a monogamist’s gaze, dropping your lasso on a wandering heart is the stuff of songs, literature, and drama.

But I can promise you, if you’re poly and you’re involved with someone who’s not, once the hot sex cools off and reality sets in, every single problem that occurs in the relationship will somehow devolve to: You’re fucking other people… And when this romantic idyll ends—as it probably will—it’ll be just another example of how polyamory ruins relationships.

Dismissing people’s stated definitions of their sexuality as something you can make them change is not love. It’s just disrespectful, and it usually ends badly anyway.

Here’s the full article:

  • He he, no-one is going to lassoo THIS stallion!