Polyamory, swinging and fulfilling missing needs within a relationship

To what degree is it healthy to look outside your current relationship to fulfill needs it isn’t fulfilling?

The answer to that question is: What are you trying to fulfill that’s missing?

It really depends on what needs you are looking to fulfill by going outside your primary/current relationship. If you are not fulfilled in love, affection or sex within your current relationship, than looking to someone else to fulfill these needs may lead to some problems in your relationship. And that goes for all of them, for I think very few people would want to be looked-at as nothing but a surrogate for something missing in your life as opposed to adding something additional to a happy person’s life.

If you are looking to fulfill certain interests, desires or fantasies (like BDSM of any sort) that your primary partner simply isn’t into, than it will be a fine addition to your primary relationship and make you a happier, more attentive, less resentful partner to your primary partner; and in turn to your other partner(s), also.

Basically, the former is “replacement” relationships which can be harmful to your current relationship and a weak base upon which to build another relationship;  the latter is “additional” relationships that build on your current relationship.  Which is what polyamory is all about.

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  • For me, it was a bit of the first case at first, then became the second. The secondary relationship I have fulfills the extreme kink and BDSM needs I have that my wife has no interest in. The two relationships support each other. I am much less resentful of my wife, much more appreciative of what we do share. Each of my relationships is loving and fulfilling. For me, this is a sustainable configuration, built to go the distance.