First Time For Everything: A Polyamorous Relationship

This is a repost of an article in The Frisky, written by Anya James from about a year ago or so, but an excellent article about a polyamorous triad and how it’s worked for them.

I really didn’t know what polyamory was until I fell into it at 27. I was arguing one day with a couple I’d been sleeping with for about a month, when BAM! I ended up in a three-way relationship.

I’ve always been open-minded as far as sexual relationships were concerned and was sleeping with a male/female couple. That day, Dan was being overly critical of Ellie. I told them the nit-picking was bothering me, but it really wasn’t my business how they treated each other, since, you know, it was their relationship.

That’s when they looked at each other and asked me, “Well, aren’t you kind of… with us?”

Hmm. “Fine,” I said to Dan, “Be nice to my girlfriend then.”

And just like that, we became a triad. It was easy and natural and we had such a good time! There was twice the energy and convenience of a normal relationship. We all had a lot going on, but when one of us was busy, the other two were still able to spend time together. Jealousy just wasn’t there. We didn’t have to ration out love. It multiplied.

On the negative front, our problems turned out to be really the same as anyone else’s. Dan did dumb boy things and I did dumb girl things and Ellie just watched calmly and loved us like a true negotiator. Our situation felt totally normal to us, so much so that we often forgot that people didn’t expect to see a man out for Valentine’s Day dinner with two dates, or three people snuggling together on a plane.

The only real trouble with being a triad came from the world around us. Dan and Ellie worked together and were known as a couple to a very large network of friends and colleagues. Our close friends knew the truth – that the three of us were together— but there were uncomfortable situations in which I felt like their dirty secret. It really sucked that we couldn’t be too open or affectionate without inviting gossip and discrimination. With as many strides as we’ve made in terms of social acceptance of various lifestyles, the general populace isn’t used to seeing three people holding hands at the movie theater.

And just like that, we became a triad. It was easy and natural and we had such a good time! There was twice the energy and convenience of a normal relationship. We all had a lot going on, but when one of us was busy, the other two were still able to spend time together. Jealousy just wasn’t there. We didn’t have to ration out love. It multiplied.

On the negative front, our problems turned out to be really the same as anyone else’s. Dan did dumb boy things and I did dumb girl things and Ellie just watched calmly and loved us like a true negotiator. Our situation felt totally normal to us, so much so that we often forgot that people didn’t expect to see a man out for Valentine’s Day dinner with two dates, or three people snuggling together on a plane.

The only real trouble with being a triad came from the world around us. Dan and Ellie worked together and were known as a couple to a very large network of friends and colleagues. Our close friends knew the truth – that the three of us were together— but there were uncomfortable situations in which I felt like their dirty secret. It really sucked that we couldn’t be too open or affectionate without inviting gossip and discrimination. With as many strides as we’ve made in terms of social acceptance of various lifestyles, the general populace isn’t used to seeing three people holding hands at the movie theater.

You can find the article at http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-first-time-for-everything-a-polyamorous-relationship/

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