The 15 things that really turn men on

I get such a chuckle out of all those Cosmopolitan magazine articles on “What Your Man Really Thinks” and “What Really Turns Your Man On”.  As I read these things I ask myself: Did they really ask any men about this? Or did a bunch of women just sit around the conference room at Cosmo and and write down things they want to hear from their men? Or did they ask a bunch of pansy-men?

So in response to this I’ve written with some help from friends, both male and female, a list of 15 things men really want to hear from their wife/girlfriend.  Add any you can think of in the comments.

  1. “Do you want to fuck me in the ass tonight?”
  2. “I hope you don’t mind if I swallow?  I don’t want to break your rhythm when you’re about to cum.”
  3. “Please don’t make me eat at Sizzler and see a movie.  Can’t I just have some cock instead?”
  4. “Can we just fuck with the lights on?  I love it when you stare at my cellulite.”
  5. “Oh my god that’s gargantuan!  You’re going to stick that where?!”
  6. “Yes, I would love it if my best friend sucked your cock.”
  7. “I don’t care if we’re lost, I just love your sense of adventurism.”
  8. “Your ex-wife is so hot!  Can we have a threesome with her?”
  9. “My hot sister with the boob job wants to have a threesome with us.  Are you down with that?”
  10. “I don’t care what time you get home, just be sure to wake me up when you do so that we can fuck.”
  11. “Hey guess what?! Your cum is part of my Weight Watcher plan!”
  12. “Go ahead and watch the game and I’ll go make you some chocolate chip cookies.  And how about a blowjob at half-time?”
  13. “Don’t worry about getting me off, you just make sure you’re happy.”
  14. “It’s that time of month, but I’d love to give you a blowjob.”
  15. “You don’t have to stay here just because we had sex.  Go ahead and go to the strip club with your friends.  Here’s $100 to spend on the strippers.”